So Pat and I have been together, officialy for 3 months now, unofficially for 5. We still have yet to have sex. We’ve messed around plenty, but he has only gone down on me, and pleasured me. The couple of times early on that I attempted to give him a hand or blow job he stopped me. He assured me that it wasnt that I was bad at it, but that he does not like to be taken care of. I thought this was wierd but pushed it aside thinking maybe we hadnt been together long enough for him to let me take care of him in that way.
So last weekend I finally asked him again. Why don’t you like to recieve hand jobs or blow jobs. HE again said I know that its wierd, and different from the majority of men, but I honestly don’t like to be taken care of. It wasnt an awkward converstaion like I thnik it would have been had I brought it up before we had been dating a while. So I used that conversation as a segway into sex. I asked what that meant in terms of sex. He said he’s not a virgin, but he has no interest in having sex at all.
Now I need to stop here and back up to a previous conversation.
Before we became an official couple Pat asked to have a talk about what we both wanted in the future. He wanted me to know that hes aware that I am somewhat religious, but he is not, and if it would be a problem for me. I assured him that it doesnt bother me at all, and would not affect us. Next he told me that he has no interest whatsoever in having children. This took me off gaurd seeing as we hadnt been seeing each other long and this was our first deep discussion of any kind. But I have no real interest in ever being anything more than a good aunt, I don’t want children either, so while the topic seemed sort of sudden I told him I feel the same. Shortly after this discussion we became an official item.
Now back to the no sex thing
Pat told me that he is so fearful of getting me pregnant that he just wants to abstain from sex all together. He was adamant. I started to say I would be on birth control and that we would always use condoms. He cut me off at birth control and said he’s known to many people who have used both birth control and condoms, and still gotten pregnant. I told him they were either lying about using condoms EVERY time, or not taking the birth control correctly. I told him that I understood where he was coming from but that somewhere in the hopefully not to distant future I would like to have sex with him.
I have talked to my sorority sisters and friends about this and the general consesus is that he either has control issues, or insecurity issues…or both. I want to talk to him further about why hes’ so afraid of makin babies. I wonder if maybe he got a girl pregnant and almost ended up a father. The control issue thing makes sense to me. That could explain why he doesnt like to let me pleasure him, but loves pleasuring me, and while im not complaining, I’d like to take care of him to every now and then. It could also explain the no sex thing. You give up control in that moment of climax during sex and for someone with control issues I can see that being scary…
I guess what I would like advice on is how to bring it up with him without causing him to retreat on me. Or maybe further insight into what could possibly going on in that head of his.